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I am a man of many deaths.
It is why I sit on this stone in the land of death. Or rather, the land of corpses and caskets. Of harrowing nightmares and buckets of sorrow.
Oh, who am I kidding?
It is the most wonderful place on this planet. It is a place where lucky ones can get some true sleep. It is where I sit now and wait to be carried away, only to be refused.
So I sit. And wait.
And listen.
It was only ten years ago that I first discovered the beauty of listening. Can you hear it?

The silence.
It's a song that I long to hear on those nights when my head is a troubled sea spilling into my room. That is quite something to clean up, let me tell you. I must wash those images from my ceiling, the walls, as I topple out of bed and try not to spill my thoughts all over the floor. It is too hard for me to collect them again.
But if you really listen…
You can hear her laugh.
Some people laugh like bells. Others, like cows. I am thankful that she is not of the latter, but I never met someone whose laugh could be compared to a bell. A foghorn perhaps, if that is remotely close. A laugh is a laugh, and I'm sure you know what one sounds like, the one with which your best friend is quite generous and that lightens your heart.
But she cries too.
The pleasant must be balanced by the unpleasant, and the silence is impartial. Her despair was beautiful as was her laugh. I did not realize until years later, but when you miss something, everything that you never realized was there becomes so apparent.
The death, the life.
The tears, the unspoken words.
The lament of the despair, shame, loneliness.
And the silence.
All of it.
It was human. It was the desire for something.

Each time someone dies a part of me follows that soul. I don't know who is left, only who left me. I can feel these holes, and I wonder sometimes if others can see them too when they look at me. They see a man too weary of life, too bent with holes to stand straight.
These deaths have become me over the years, so much so that I didn't even know. It was until one day that I really scrutinized the mirror and saw them, so obviously there. A pair of hollow eyes stared back at me, but they were not mine. They were someone else's. I have not seen my eyes in almost thirty years.
But I also saw them in my wrinkles, the quiver of my voice, and the particular hunched stance. I carry my lucky relatives on my shoulder, and the weight is only relieved in this place where the stones lie. They sleep there, laughing, crying. She is there most often, but only to speak in that silence.
I come here at the same hour every day. But the return is never so predictable. Sun, rain, snow. I am sure she stands there with me some days, as her brothers and sisters with my brothers and sisters, listening to my thoughts pour upon their graves like the sea. But to know which days is another idea altogether.
So I tell them anyway.
I tell them about how it used to be, how it was, how I liked how it used to be. It was nice, I'll say. You remember, you loved it too?
Of course she did.
The wind whispers, Of course, I did. Of course.

They come by each day, these forlorn types. Never more than sloping mouth corners, stuffed full of self-pity. They stand and mope that they are alone, that someone else did not deserve to die. That they did not deserve to be alone. Their thoughts mumble around blindly, one-word questions and short murmured apologies.
They talk and think plenty, but they never listen. I know they cannot hear the laugh because they don't laugh along.
Yes, of course I remember that. I liked that too.
And I know that they cannot hear the crying, because their mouths are drooping with self-pity. No soothing words, no caring smiles.
Why did you have to die so young? some ask, but their whispers trample the silence where the children's laughter can be heard. I have never seen so many people cry alone.
Then there are the frequenters, the ones that can never go more than a week without a visit. Eye contact is well beyond most of them. They stand, framed in that beautiful silence, but turn a deaf ear to it with stone faces and glazed eyes. Cracks tear at their empty souls.

Sometimes I close my eyes and see them. It had been easier years ago when only one or two stood in front of me and laughed or cried, but now I am lost in a crowd. They are still or moving slowly, ghosts with only a name and a body. I have forgotten their faces, their eyes. I have not seen her eyes in thirty years.
Sometimes I wonder if they have forgotten my face and my name. If they too have forgotten my eyes.
Have you seen my eyes? I ask them. But the silence is complete, immaculate. Disappointing.
Who are you? I imagine one of them asking.
Me? I respond in mock surprise. You do not remember me?
I gesture with open arms to this most beautiful place and smile sadly at the apparition.
I am a man of many deaths.
well I guess this is for a a contest over at #Teen-Writers based upon the lyrics of "Lemon" by Katy Rose [gotta wonder where the lemon comes in] but I immediately thought of all the emo poetry and roses and blood and wings and suicide ballads and purple prose that would come out of this considering that it is a teen writing group [but ah, now that I look at some of the other contestants afterward it seems like a couple of those writers will completely blow this shit out of the water] so I thought I'd try to write something from a different perspective.

an old guy.

also don't ask me how the lyrics relate at all because they don't [-50 points lol]. it's just what the song made me think of, and apparently that is allowed.

this is a submission for a literary mag because they asked for submissions at just the right time lol
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VioletRosePhantom Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You discribed the moment of, feeling lost when someone dies, feeling lifeless without the people you always have loved, you discribed the moment of standing infront of the person you have always loved grave, and this moment when you wish they were beside you, you're awesome, this describtion was really emotional, full of passion and feelings, digging deeper inside the emotions to get their core, not its surface, I can tell you that you're an A.W


(That what it means :D)
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
haha im sooo sorry this reply is late as heck i appreciate your words!! i dont really write much anymore but im glad u liked this : *
VioletRosePhantom Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :D
angelichope Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
I thought it was a very artistically, poetically told story. It had emotion, originality, and darkness to it. It was all so beautiful to read! True talent! Amazingly written!:clap:
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2011
ah wow thank you!! this comment totally made my day ;;<3
angelichope Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2011
My pleasure!:heart: Happiness to you!XD
e-pona Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
Oh wow ;A;
It's sad and beautiful (and cliche of me to say so, haha /kick'd) but it's just so... emotion-provoking and thought-provoking, and original. i like how you used the stooped back as a metaphor for holes, really I like all the metaphors you used here. the writing (or syntax-- I think?) just flows like his thoughts. really... no words ;A;
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
ahah nothing you say is cliche<3<3<3 your comments make my day so much CCCCCCCCC: thank you thank you thank youuuu<3
the concept is ridiculously fantastic.

the writing even better.
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2010
;A;' aaah wow thanks so much!

<3<3 this means a lot to me haha orz;
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner May 15, 2010
Extraordinary!! I wish I could write like you....
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner May 24, 2010
n___n; thank you!
O-ph-3-l-i-A Featured By Owner May 14, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My god O.O ... It's so long! And I can't understand everything because of my terrible english -_-" but I looove the idea!!! ;)
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner May 16, 2010
ahah yes I tend to ramble. it is somewhat long.

thank you, though<3
hinatasangel13 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2010   Writer
Beautiful =)
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2010
n__n! thank you!
Harlequinbeautie Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2010
lol too bad for all the other contestants you completly blew THEIR shit out of the water and then some. About...ten times over. >3
Congratulations again on winning! While reading this, I enjoyed every moment. It's because writers like you, that I made Teen-Writers. To prove to the world that just because we're young doesn't mean we can't write as well -if not better than the older people XD
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2010
|D;;;; I still can't believe that...
<3 again, thank you so much. I'm just so stunned hsdgl
kazumisangel Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
:heart: I love the emotion behind this piece. Even though he's old, he still remembers everything vividly, and the readers can just feel that passion behind those memories.

I also like how he describes those who stand before the graves. He categorizes them, and I can imagine him on the front porch of his house, just watching for days on end. The imagery made me smile. :love:
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010
wow, thank you. xD;; I think emotion is something tricky to evoke in a short story.

hahaha yes, I can imagine someone with all the time in the world being able to sit or stand wherever for eternity and observe the people around him. there's a certain quiet fondness I like with that kind of character<3 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! ;u;
dddarknesss Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Since you asked... here I am :).
I actually think that this piece of art can't take a lot of comments, because of the sole reason it leaves you silent in the end. On my opinion, that is one of the easiest ways to determine, if somethings written is good or not - that resulted in the :+fav: .

It's honest and simple - not in the sense of being pointless, but with words that are correctly chosen. When you combine words that... um, I don't know how to describe it actually... fit together, you create a wave of... um, whatever you had in you, when you wrote it. So, it carries the emotion and the intensity.
So... yeah, that comments is probably too long, but i've never tried to put it into words, till know.
Hugs :)
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2010
haha ok. usually when I get faves it's all right, especially art because I fave and run all the time and art is a very quick idea--you can take it all in at once. but to me, writing seems like an art that requires a little more interpretation and I like to hear thoughts rather than silent faves.

when I read that second paragraph something really clicked |D; I'm really impressed by your ability to put it into words xD and somewhat... humbled I guess that that kind of an emotion described is in this piece [which I totally can relate to at times!]. Thank you so much for your thoughts<3
dddarknesss Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Anytime :P
Happypants3 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2010
no you did it wrong ):
key word is TEEN WRITING lady, old people are a no-go
You know how many teenagers you put off with those decidedly unsexy wrinkles

anyway obligatory subtext over, and sorry for slow comment!! I probably won't get around to the other one for a week. ;;OTL This is completely wonderful though, I love it. That slight sense of surreality... I dunno haha, it's just really great. I like the bit where he rags on about young people.
MewOfTheClouds Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2010

mang it's cool especially you
this thing won't get any more comments anyway |DDD<3
young people/old people. they're all the same to the man of many deaths C<
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January 30, 2010
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